Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Turn of the Year

Yesterday was my other words, I turned 30 and survived (lol)! So now that I've gone over the hill relatively unscathed (only just...j/k) and lived to tell the tale, what have I gained over the course of the past 12 months? Hmmm...well, other than that whole spilled milk thing I discussed earlier, I guess the biggest thing I feel I've taken away from this year is that I have way more questions than answers. For example: why is my life nothing like I thought it would be like 5 or 10 years ago? Why is it I sometimes feel I can't seem to have a "normal" relationship? Why is it sometimes I don't feel I want one at all? Is road A (the a fore mentioned "normal" relationship, a house, kids) the right road for me to take, or should I go route B (remain single and keep my prized freedom, travel). At times I feel I want A, but then I somehow hesitate and think about B. An example: I've been in a complicated (understatement) relationship for about 6 years long distance. This person and I last saw each other physically in Dec. '08. Some weeks ago, he put forth the idea to come over for about a month in Dec. again. The problem? Not being too keen on the idea of spending pretty much 24/7 with someone for that long and believe it or not, being "physically intimate" with them. The other problem (other than not exactly being able to tell him this)? It got me wondering if it's him specifically that is bringing this on, or just the idea in general. I'm still sorting this one out. Thank the gods the issue has been dealt with (at least for now), but to bring it back to the matter at hand, if there has been a theme to my 29th year (other than the usual waiting for the bus lol), it's been question everything. It hasn't exactly been easy or pleasant, but for now, the theme is hope: hoping things fall into place, hoping they are for the best, but also not too stressful, hoping I can finally move forward somehow and break the feeling of suspension I've had for ages, etc. On the plus side, I've learned I can get lucky and find a magic quill and that Kindles are freakin' awesome! Here's to being the big 3-0 and to hoping it's way better than being 29!:)

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