9-11-01

As I know everyone's aware, today marks the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks in NYC, the effects of which are, of course, still being felt in innumerable ways. And while I'm sure many more eloquent memorials will be made today than this, as an American reflecting on that day, I just wanted to add my voice in a small way and finally tell my own story. I was 20 and living in Anaheim not far from Disneyland (my mom worked there and still does). I was asleep and remember being woken up by my mom coming in and going to bed later that morning. Since she worked graveyard, she'd already heard about it after she got off. We were rooming with a coworker friend of hers and that lady's husband who, not too long after my mom had fallen asleep, burst into our room exclaiming it was going to be world war three and we should all "head for the hills." Naturally his wife came and calmed him down and mom and I went back to sleep. When I woke up, it was all over the TV and radio, and all amusement parks and federal buildings were closed. That in itself was odd, as Disneyland, it was said, had only been closed once previously...the day JFK was shot. The other odd thing to me was how quiet it was. No planes, no helicopters. Nothing. Because you don't notice just how many times over the course of a day you see them until the day they're no longer flying. Life continuing on as it does, I became hungry and went to McDonalds...I know, pretty much one of the most American things you can do right? Have a hamburger and fries at good ol' Mikkey D's. On the way, there were people handing out free copies of the OC Register with all the known details and I got one. I still have it. Another thing I'll always remember: I'd been fired from Disneyland having only worked there a month the day before (long story) and how upset I was about it. The thing other than the heightened security that I have had to deal with for myself every year since then is a sense of conflicting emotions. I live as far from NY as you can get and still be on the mainland. I have no family there. So while I acknowledge the terror, loss, and anger on that day, and sincerely feel for all those who died and those that know someone that did, I feel an uncomfortable wedge of aloofness because of that fact. It's like I have a sort of inner fear that if I don't take it as hard as others, it's I'm being sacrilegious. I know that's not true, but I guess that's the part of this day I'll have to deal with as time goes on. My little piece of the tragedy to carry. Is there anyone else that has this feeling or something similar? Have any 9-11 memories, thoughts, and/or feelings? Feel free to share yours below. As for me, I will mark it in my own way and send my thoughts, prayers, and energy into helping folks heal. To all those we lost and helped out at the scene that day: always know that the world will never forget...