9-11-01

As I know everyone's aware, today marks the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks in NYC, the effects of which are, of course, still being felt in innumerable ways. And while I'm sure many more eloquent memorials will be made today than this, as an American reflecting on that day, I just wanted to add my voice in a small way and finally tell my own story. I was 20 and living in Anaheim not far from Disneyland (my mom worked there and still does). I was asleep and remember being woken up by my mom coming in and going to bed later that morning. Since she worked graveyard, she'd already heard about it after she got off. We were rooming with a coworker friend of hers and that lady's husband who, not too long after my mom had fallen asleep, burst into our room exclaiming it was going to be world war three and we should all "head for the hills." Naturally his wife came and calmed him down and mom and I went back to sleep. When I woke up, it was all over the TV and radio, and all amusement parks and federal buildings were closed. That in itself was odd, as Disneyland, it was said, had only been closed once previously...the day JFK was shot. The other odd thing to me was how quiet it was. No planes, no helicopters. Nothing. Because you don't notice just how many times over the course of a day you see them until the day they're no longer flying. Life continuing on as it does, I became hungry and went to McDonalds...I know, pretty much one of the most American things you can do right? Have a hamburger and fries at good ol' Mikkey D's. On the way, there were people handing out free copies of the OC Register with all the known details and I got one. I still have it. Another thing I'll always remember: I'd been fired from Disneyland having only worked there a month the day before (long story) and how upset I was about it. The thing other than the heightened security that I have had to deal with for myself every year since then is a sense of conflicting emotions. I live as far from NY as you can get and still be on the mainland. I have no family there. So while I acknowledge the terror, loss, and anger on that day, and sincerely feel for all those who died and those that know someone that did, I feel an uncomfortable wedge of aloofness because of that fact. It's like I have a sort of inner fear that if I don't take it as hard as others, it's I'm being sacrilegious. I know that's not true, but I guess that's the part of this day I'll have to deal with as time goes on. My little piece of the tragedy to carry. Is there anyone else that has this feeling or something similar? Have any 9-11 memories, thoughts, and/or feelings? Feel free to share yours below. As for me, I will mark it in my own way and send my thoughts, prayers, and energy into helping folks heal. To all those we lost and helped out at the scene that day: always know that the world will never forget...

The Turn of the Year

Yesterday was my birthday...in other words, I turned 30 and survived (lol)! So now that I've gone over the hill relatively unscathed (only just...j/k) and lived to tell the tale, what have I gained over the course of the past 12 months? Hmmm...well, other than that whole spilled milk thing I discussed earlier, I guess the biggest thing I feel I've taken away from this year is that I have way more questions than answers. For example: why is my life nothing like I thought it would be like 5 or 10 years ago? Why is it I sometimes feel I can't seem to have a "normal" relationship? Why is it sometimes I don't feel I want one at all? Is road A (the a fore mentioned "normal" relationship, a house, kids) the right road for me to take, or should I go route B (remain single and keep my prized freedom, travel). At times I feel I want A, but then I somehow hesitate and think about B. An example: I've been in a complicated (understatement) relationship for about 6 years long distance. This person and I last saw each other physically in Dec. '08. Some weeks ago, he put forth the idea to come over for about a month in Dec. again. The problem? Not being too keen on the idea of spending pretty much 24/7 with someone for that long and believe it or not, being "physically intimate" with them. The other problem (other than not exactly being able to tell him this)? It got me wondering if it's him specifically that is bringing this on, or just the idea in general. I'm still sorting this one out. Thank the gods the issue has been dealt with (at least for now), but to bring it back to the matter at hand, if there has been a theme to my 29th year (other than the usual waiting for the bus lol), it's been question everything. It hasn't exactly been easy or pleasant, but for now, the theme is hope: hoping things fall into place, hoping they are for the best, but also not too stressful, hoping I can finally move forward somehow and break the feeling of suspension I've had for ages, etc. On the plus side, I've learned I can get lucky and find a magic quill and that Kindles are freakin' awesome! Here's to being the big 3-0 and to hoping it's way better than being 29!:)

Crazy Diamond

Today marks the 5th anniversary of the passing of another one of my favorite music men Roger "Syd" Barrett who was an original member of Pink Floyd.

Though Syd's time with them was all too brief, he nonetheless co-founded the band and was hugely influential on their early sound (it's been said his specter loomed large over the band throughout their career together afterwards) as well as many musicians that came later. They had two hit singles, "Arnold Layne" and "See Emily Play", with him, and in fact "Emily" was number two in the UK charts that infamous summer of 1967. Unfortunately, the good times didn't last for long, and in early 1968, Syd was outst from the band due to mental instability from drugs and (as it was found out later) schitzophrenia. He was replaced by friend David Gilmore and they, of course, went on to be one of THE bands of the '70's  Syd (with their help) put out two albums: The Madcap Laughs in 1969 and Barrett in 1970 before famously leaving it all behind for good to focus on painting. Though there were sightings from time to time, he was mainly a recluse until he died in his hometown of Cambridge, England in 2006. He, so far, is the only person not close to me who made me cry when I heard the news. Though his solo stuff is not for everybody, I highly recomend listening to the Pink Floyd debut Piper at the Gates of Dawn, and those two singles I mentioned earlier on the Floyd best of Echoes and revel in the pure genius that is Syd. Shine on, you crazy diamond we'll never forget you...

This is the End...

Happy 4th to all my fellow Americans! Here's an AOL Radio station called  Patriotic Songs to get you into the spirit, and may the day be a good one and your celebrating be grand. Now, why I guess I really wanted to write this was to commemorate the 4oth anniversary of the passing of one of my favorite frontmen in rock & roll Jim Morrison.

Like most likely a lot of Doors fans around my age, my first exposure to them was via Echo & the Bunnymen's cover of "People Are Strange" in the film The Lost Boys. Of course, at the time, I was too young to know it was a cover and years later I heard the orignal version & thought it was cover. I also thought the band doing it was pretty good lol. Then not to long after that, I went to Virgin (remember them?) and was flipping through the posters and recognized the face staring back at me as the same one I saw in that "movie with Val Kilmer in it". Next came buying the albums and the rest is history. Since then, The Doors have been one of my favorite bands and still mean a lot to me. Their music is timeless and undated, and Jim's lyrics were unlike anything at the time (plus those leather pants add to him being the forefather of goth I think). And yes, being  a girl, he's not hard on the eyes:p. Of, course, the tragedy is what might have been, and from time to time, I do wonder. Jim would be 67 today and I also wonder what he would think  of how long his legacy's endured and how well known and loved around the world his band still is. I am sure he'd be more than pleased that two more books of his poetry have been published and used in colleges. So Jimbo, where ever you may be,  you'll always be missed and, for us, the music will never be over...